The Same River?

30 Jan

After having attended a recent coaching workshop and been reminded of the power of the Nancy Kline techniques and the thinking environment, my mind kept returning to one particular quote used by the facilitator on the day…

 “No man ever steps in the same river twice, for it’s not the same river and he’s not the same man.”

Our minds change their perspective and direction so rapidly.  Our thoughts, our ideas, our being are never quite the same.  We are constantly evolving, just as the river water is eternally changing as it passes by.

For me, this is an amazingly liberating thought.  Today is a new day, there is the possibility to look at our lives, our challenges in a new light.

Whilst on this particular coaching workshop, we were encouraged, as coaches, to use the Nancy Kline techniques to give full attention to those we were listening to.  Asking the simple, but so empowering question, “What do you want to think about….?” enabled the thinker to consider and think in a very liberated, refreshing way, free from prompts, further questions and distractions.  Silence was a luxury, from it flowing rich waves of thought.  A later prompt, “What more do you think…or feel……or want to say?” again often resulted in fresh thinking, fresh clarity and insight.

For some people I meet though it does feel like the same river.

It feels exactly like the same unsurmountable problem to be faced day after day.  This rumination on the same topic can lead to a negative downward spiral of self-doubt and despair.  The individual does not feel able to experience the freshness of new waters, but sees the same murky waters of the same problem, the same face starring back at them in their mind, the same hurt.

To turn from such negative self-doubt to positive self-belief is not easy.  I also believe that, in itself, self-doubt is often accompanied by many positives; humility, the possibility to learn, to be humble, to reflect and look for answers outside of ourselves.

It’s about the right balance.

Robert Sutton in his book, “Good Boss, Bad Boss: How to Be the Best… and Learn from the Worst” considered:

“The best bosses dance on the edge of overconfidence, but a healthy dose of self-doubt and humility saves them from turning arrogant and pig-headed. Bosses who fail to strike this balance are incompetent, dangerous to follow, and downright demeaning.”

What about you? Have you got the dance right? Have you got a healthy balance of confidence and self-doubt and humility?

In which direction is your balance swung?

For those who may see the river in the same way, who perhaps are experiencing too much of an unhealthy dose of self-doubt, this 5-step POWER refection technique might work for you:

  1. Positive Outcome 

Consider the result you are looking for.  What is the positive outcome you are looking for?  Think about your challenge, the relationship, the situation in a positive way.  Think about what you would like to happen.  State this in the positive.  Focus on what you want, not on what you don’t want.  Try to describe it in positive words only.

And if the positive thoughts are difficult to discover, try to fill your life with activities which promote positivity; immerse yourself in a chosen hobby, in exercise, in mindfulness.

Try to distance yourself from the situations and people who result in the same negativity.  Connect with those who bring you joy and want the best for you.

  1. Ownership

How realistic is the desired outcome?  Is it within your control to change?  Can you take responsibility for it?  If not, go back to the previous consideration and re-define the desired outcome.

  1. What Specifically?

And now for some specifics. What will you actually do to make the changes?  What will you do today?  Who will you involve?

  1. Evidence

What will it be like?  What will you feel?  What will you be doing in this desired outcome?

  1. Resources

What support do you need?  What can you do to maintain your energy for this change?

So back to 544 BC and Heraclitus’s wise words: step in the river, go with the flow and enjoy where it may take you ….

 

 

 

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